Looking Back ... and Forwards

So, I finally did hear from my midwife and she came to see me at home this morning. She's the same midwife I had first time around, and is lovely - exactly the sort of person you would want to have looking after you.

The first 'booking in' appointment with your midwife is usually a lengthy one - and this was no exception. There was medical history to be taken on both sides of the family, blood pressure checks and a recap of my last pregnancy and birth.

Today's meeting pretty much confirmed my suspicions - I am unlikely to be having a natural labour and birth. Let me recap on the events of last time to put you in the picture ...

With my son, I devloped obstetric cholestasis - a condition where bile salts build up in your bloodstream, resulting in the most horrendous itching on your palms, feet and body. This meant I had to be induced on my due date, as cholestasis, although uncomfortable and frustrating for the mother, can actually be fatal to an unborn child.

I spent four days in hospital having the induction, which was a big, fat failure. My body was just not playing ball. On the fourth day I was beginning to get labour pains, and they decided that at half a centimetre dilated they may just be able to break my waters manually. They managed it - just - and then I was hooked up to a drip which forces your body into massive, gut crunching contractions. It was horrendous and I hated every second of it.

Eight hours, gas and air, pethedine and an epidural later, and I had still only dilated half a centimetre further. Suddenly there was a group of medics in my room, crowded around my notes making umming and ahhing noises and looking at me very seriously. Finally, one turned to me and said "Well, we don't seem to be making a lot of progress here. You could keep going for a bit longer - or if you wish we could do a cesarian now."

Resisting the urge to scream "GET IT OUT OF ME!!!" I gasped timidly "Oh yes, I'm quite tired now, maybe a cesarian would be a good idea" to which they all nodded understandingly.

So for all these reasons, it seems unlikely that I will be allowed to attempt a natural birth unless I happen to spontaneously go into labour. I have to admit, it's a massive relief - last time was an experience I am in no hurry to repeat.

Next on the agenda is my 12 week scan in a week's time, the prospect of which is exciting and terrifying at the same time. Then four days later I meet with my hospital consultant to discuss more of the same. Bring it on.